Here goes with New Zealand.
I love holidays in the winter… mainly because I am that misanthrope. New Zealand is even more beautiful without people!
Everywhere is 245 kilometres away!
Borris and Nigel have successfully made prices a bit high for us brits!
Usual bus tour rules apply
Oriental tourists come barcoded for ease of tracking. Their standard time at attraction is 20 mins, so don’t worry about crowds.
The New Zealand accent can baffle. It’s all in the clipped vowels so here is my mini guide:
E=I, ten=tin, Deck=dick
I=U, dick=duck, fish=fush, chips=chups
A=E, tank=tenk
U=A, buck=back
End every sentence with “ay”- Now you’re fluent in kiwi
The radio plays songs from the 70’s and 80’s but strangely they have internet and mobile phones! Listening to Wild West End as I type on my iPhone sitting on a campsite dunny!
Camper is the only way to get the flexibility you need. However, it comes with some trade offs.
You need to love each other at the beginning and remember that at the end!
Get a camper much bigger than you think you need. 2, go for four, 4 go for 6, 6 go for a different holiday!
Camp site showers are at shoulder height, it’s the lord of the rings inspiration.
Strictly no number 2’s, emptying the shut tenk is worse than changing a nappy on someone else’s baby!
Eating out can be a challenge. Most of New Zealand has a big off switch at 6:30, except Chinese takeaways.
Fush & Chups are fantastic, especially blue cod (and I don’t like fush). Akaroa was the best we’ve found.
Other than that, Food doesn’t seem to be a particular speciality.
Bacon and egg pie is a new favourite and Mauri beef, chicken and veg pie cooked in a hot spring is special.
Not so sure about minced beef and cheese pie though!
New Zealand is about seeing and experiencing nature: lakes and rivers are turquoise, mountains are massive, glaciers, albatross and penguins. Empty beaches of black or golden sands.
Dark skies!
Geothermal stuff is great. Particularly hot water beach
Lady knocks Giza is impressive and goes off on the dot…. but only cos some bloke comes along with some washing powder to give it a kick🤡
Stuff is mostly free but the animal stuff tends to be run by conservation charities so costs a bit.
Activities are plentiful: bungy jumping, jet boat, skiing, whitewater rafting. Take care though, pricing is designed to take as much out of the Chinese economy as possible – 200 bucks a pop before photos!!
Best value we found was the Kaituna rafting on a level 5 rapid at 85 bucks.
Skiing deserves a separate monologue so stand by…
With a few exceptions the towns are unremarkable resemble middle America and are lost in the 1950’s.
Omaru has a very splendid Main Street
Christchurch is the city of a thousand car parks. Devastated by the earthquake, it would have been a fine city, but it’s been slow to rebuild. The fallen buildings are now car parks.
Akaroa is a pretty little place but I wouldn’t go in the summer when the cruise ships come in.
You can fart in Rotarua with impunity.
Coromandel peninsula is unspoilt and off the bus tour routes. Beaches are stupendous!
How could I have forgotten to mention “bio security” when you arrive …. feels like you are going through the iron curtain security checks in the 70’s
New Zealand…. well worth a visit