Peru

My little blog of our journey in Peru

Don’t make the mistake of thinking this is a back packers guide, it’s just a set set of observations from a misanthrope. And I’m not going to tell you where to go – there is so much and better qualified people to do that!!!

Wear sunscreen. At 3400 meters you can burn to a crisp and not notice.

Wear mozzie repellent too. The nasty little bastards in Machu Picchu are the worst.

It’s been 18 months since the last coup attempt but you’d never know.

Take a power bank or two for your phone – you’ll mullah your battery in a morning taking photos!

I’ve still got no idea what to pack! Amazon to Andes! 83% relative humidity in Lima down to 24% in Puno!!! 32 degrees in the Amazon to 2 degrees at night in Cusco. Seems most people opt for that walking gear I really hate.

Then there’s those that go full kit wanker in the Peruvian gear! Lycra seems to be a thing too, not a fan either!

The usual travel rules apply, except “rent a car”. You need to be a psychopath to want to drive a car in Peru.

Definitely don’t take a bus tour or eat in places that show pictures of food!

Food is fantastic, loads of fresh veg, fruit, a thousand different types of corn, potato and tubas. Oh, and meat!

Llama is both cuddly and tasty.

Who knew yucca was the same as cassava. Creamed is my fave!

Don’t bother with cuy (Guinea pig). It’s shite and too ratty to be cuddly.

Ceviche “is” in fact a fantastic dish, even if you don’t really like fish! It’s like a fish margarita (Salted raw fish marinaded in lime and coriander, with red onion and mahusive bits of corn)

Pisco sour is a monster of a drink. Refreshing and very alcoholic!

Go to Uchu!!!!! If you are in Cusco and like meat!

Avocados literally grow on trees! They’re everywhere!

IICPI (international ice cream price index) is 1.25 which is a bit higher than I expected.

People say It’s dangerous! Well, not really! Stick to the route of the gringo and all will be fine. We’ve been using an app called gpsmycity which is great for suggesting walking routes.

That said, if some fucker sets off a firework, it can cause a little pant browning (any excuse for a festival).

Uber works and is pretty good value and safe.

Mostly it’s easy to get understood – lots of English spoken.

Traffic is dreadful. Well, actually, I’d say traffic lights are dreadful! The actual volume of traffic isn’t that bad! Pot holes, speed bumps and incompetent traffic police don’t help either! Nor do people on the wrong side of the road!

Zebra crossings are purely for decoration.

Money. Most places accept contactless (except some museums) so get yourself a no fee card like capital one master card. You can survive with no local cash but it’s worth getting a few Soles out of the ATM at the airport for tips, haggling and if you need a wee (there’s one in the baggage hall, ATM that is). Dollars are accepted but generally you get stiffed on the rate!

Enough of the Simon and Garfunkel, ok!

There are some pretty fantastic hotels and some shite ones too. There is a world of difference between Cassa Andina Premium and Cassa Andina Standard… don’t make that mistake.

If you can afford it, stay in the Sanctuary Lodge at the gates of Machu Picchu – we had a room with a view of the Astronomers house on Huayna Picchu.

While we are on the subject of Machu Picchu, you have to book in advance and the tickets are timed. What we didn’t know is that the ticket is for a specific route (one of 3 – main town, sun gate and Huayna Picchu). Make sure you get what you want. If you can get in at 6 a.m. it’s worth it. Obvs if you’re a loon you can trek in, but needless to say we didn’t – we took the train.

The Incas! Well, actually there was only the one Inca. The people were/are the Quechuan (not the decathlon clothing brand). The Inca was the boss guy!

The Incas did proper engineering! Not an art that has endured. Apparently you pay tax when the building is finished….

The sacred valley is lovely, but do it on the way to Machu Picchu, not the way back because it will appear underwhelming afterwards.

I don’t think I will ever get used to putting soiled toilet paper in the bin!

On the train, close the lid before you flush.

Some people do struggle with the altitude. Me, I’m blowing out of my arse! But you do get used to it. My resting heart rate has gone from the usual 50-55 up to the 70’s and my oxygen sat down to 77% at times! Drink water like a fish, piss like an elephant.

Fucking pan pipes!

“No I don’t want a bus tour/massage/alpaca photo/my own painting etc…”. Apparently they are all the original artist too.

The street hawkers are good tho. Best bet is not to engage because, once you do you are hooked. They are nice people and they all went to the same sales school. Ask about you, where you’re from, your family blah blah. Then offer some shite for loads more than it’s worth. Then objection handling from the top drawer. “What, no soles? No problem, I take dollars. What? No dollars. No problem I take Tarjeta (card).”

Mobile coverage is surprisingly good. Network roaming charges are punishing. E-sim is the way to go! I sorted a one month, unlimited data sim for the whole of South America for 70 quid from Holafly. I always feel happier when I have a data plan. You can have multiple sims running at the same time so you get your calls from home.

You have to do the train ride from Cusco to Puno. The few km before Juliaca station is absolutely crackers with market set up across the tracks. A mass of commerce and humanity.

Fucking pan pipes!

The average height of a female in Peru is a gnat’s over 5ft, Becca looks like a giant. Perhaps that explains the big hats

Growing coca leaves is legal in Peru provided you sell it to the government at 10% of the market price, which of course everyone does.

The boarder crossing to Bolivia is something you have to experience. It’s like doing that prisoner swap across a boarder bridge, except there’s a market on the bridge!

Bye Peru, loved it! No more pan pipes.