Rio

If Buenos Aires is faded glory, Rio is faded glory and someone filled in the missing bits with crayons.

A mass of people commerce and stuff! You need to look up. Walking through brownian motion, one hand on phone, the other on wallet and trying to avoid potholes this is more of a challenge than you may think. A fascinating place that melds all sorts of cultures.

I can’t let the luggage thing go by either. All through our trip, airports have been extremely well organised. Peru, Bolivia, Chile and surprisingly Argentina. Rio on the other hand was an absolute shit show. The luggage from our flight came out on three separate belts, at different ends of the baggage hall over the space of an hour and none of them was the one on screen. This isn’t the issue I wanted to discuss, but for context. While waiting it became clear that no one has the same luggage. Not one the same. How does that happen? And when I reflect, it’s always true. You always know yours. Just like a good fart. Can’t be true, but it is!!

Plenty of places to park your bike here.

I recon the cosmetic surgeons have been using forklift trucks for some of these Brazilian but lifts.

Tickertytocking instawebgrammers boil my piss, but the preening, selfie taking ego maniacs here are at another level.

Christ the redeemer, Sugarloaf, Copacabana, Ipanema blah blah of course.

Go early to Christ the redeemer. First train is at 8. It’s swamped by 10.

The crumbling, colonial heart of the city is fascinating and you mustn’t miss Confeitaria Colombo.(coffee shop)

But take a trip to Santa Theresa, a quirky little suburb on a hill.

Great restaurants, bars, live music & art, serviced by an old yellow tram.

The walk up is great, very steep and up via the iconic Escadaria Selarón.

The yellow tram would have been an experience but we couldn’t figure it out in time.

For your benefit… here’s how… you can’t just pick it up! You buy there and back ticket at the station at the bottom, which is located at https://maps.app.goo.gl/JuHSR4x2sfArSRjr5?g_st=ic and costs b$20 (about 3 quid). First at 8, Last tram at 4:40. You can hop on and off, once you have a ticket, but can’t buy one halfway up!!!!

Churasco! You must do it once. Meat!! I’ve done it more than once, and my life is richer and shorter as a result. But meat! Oh and I’m addicted to Pan de Queso (cheesy balls).

Mind bendingly the traffic on Copacabana beach changes direction at random times. And on certain days the traffic is closed off on one lane and goes in one direction in the morning and the other in the afternoon. Baffling.

Americans. You might think we benefit from hearing your conversations, but we don’t!

Right! Money! You don’t actually need cash. Everywhere takes contactless. Even the tram to Christ the redeemer (which folklore says only takes cash).

But if you want some you can use an ATM. However be super careful. They may not tell you that you’ve been charged a fee for the transaction till the bill hits you. I took b$700 out and got hit with a bill for $814, which is a Hefty fee!

With contactless some sneaky bastards put the transaction through in GBP, for which they get a fee! So again be careful. I got caught twice with that one.

But both times I was well oiled with caiprenia, which is all five of your five a day in one glass and gets you pissed super quick. So I’ve excused myself. But you’ve been warned.

We walked loads, using gps my city which gives great and safe walking routes.

Uber works fine, but we ended up having to use the yellow cabs (which are slightly more expensive) because my Uber account brain farted and wouldn’t let me book anything other than a bike!! Just make sure the cab has the meter running.

Holofly eSIM continues to work, though I had a sweaty few mins and had to find WiFi because I’d forgotten that it expired after 30 days (not 31!)..

I have to say something about plug adapters. I did the research before coming away and spent loads on the different adapters on Amazon. Turns out you can get away with the standard EU adapter and an American one with spades that swivel to an angle for Peru, Bolivia, Chile and Argentina. However in Brazil you need one with a trapezoidal plastic bit to allow it to go in the slot! If anyone wants to buy a stash of niche adapters I’m open to offers.

The one downer about Rio is the smog! Apparently worse cos of Amazon forest burning.

Rio has a bit of a reputation, but at no point did we feel threatened! Not wishing to tempt fate!

On reflection perhaps shorts, a pink tee shirt and a backpack weren’t the best things to wear to blend in, however it was ok.

But… we did not; venture into the favelas in accompanied; go through any tunnels on foot; go down any dark alleys; enter any quiet areas; or, wear any bling.

A place to avoid on Sundays is the city centre area which completely closes down, except for the homeless people.

No pan pipes at all. I’m over it now.

I’ve now got samba beats going around my head mashed up with the girl from Ipanema, Bazza M’s Copacabana and for some reason Club Tropicana!!

Home next! But one last tip. If you can, travel with an old person! In Brazil they have this queue skipping thing called “priority by law” for disabled, pregnant, young families and….. wait for it…. Over 60’s! By chance, I’ve acquired one of those recently. It’s like having an Alton Towers fast pass for everything!